zippers are such a cool invention
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
