I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
