they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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