come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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