i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
