I'm going to jail i love you
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
