I just pynch a tree in the face
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
