but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
