i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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