my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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