Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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