I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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