wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
