i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
love makes seman taste better
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize