i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
