We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
