Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
