Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize