Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
