You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
