In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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