Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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