New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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