She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
