we're chasing vodka with high fives
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
