Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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