Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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