You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
