Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
