I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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