38 yer olds are good kisserssss
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
