mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
