like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
