Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
