I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
