Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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