sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
