Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
