My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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