I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
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