He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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