i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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