so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My penis needs a shock collar
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
