Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Can you bring me the toilet please
Randomize
