why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
