I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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