I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
