Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
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