I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
