K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
my vag is so smooth its legendary
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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