just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
