u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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