I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Duck Duck Cougar?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
