i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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