Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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