I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Bring me that man meat
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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