it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
