Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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