For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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