I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize