your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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