I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize