note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
