So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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